Bittersweet Goodbyes

I feel it was only yesterday when I helped our firstborn son vacate his dorm room at the end of spring semester his freshman year. My husband excused himself from the heroic task of helping with the move due to conflict with his work schedule. At first, I begrudged him from his excuse but in the end, I'm grateful I was the one who was there for our son. During the 8 hour drive home, I discovered pieces of his life that I missed being a part of while he's away from home and witnessed an even further transformation from being an immature teen to an incredibly responsible young adult. My heart swelled with pride with this amazing being that I actually had something to do.

He's always been a hard worker. I swore when he was born, he was ready to take on the world with his wide-eyed and alert self! He didn't nap then; he doesn't now, when it comes to opportunities! As soon as he got home this summer, he hit the ground running by landing 2 paying jobs, and although he would have preferred to be elsewhere doing artistic endeavors, he didn't wallow in negativity when plan A didn't work out. Instead, he carved out artistic plan B and even established a small online and photography business all accomplished in a span of 2 and 1/2 months. He is a force of positive energy. I've never seen him walk in the door after any of his two jobs with a sour demeanor. He's a ray of sunshine when he enters a room with his signature be dimpled smile and bringing with him at least one story to tell.

Of course he isn't all Mr. Perfect Son. As the summer progressed, he returned to his own relaxed-at-home, can-be-messy regular self. There were times when he didn't pick up after himself and I swore things were getting old that I was so ready to get back to the rhythm of order in my home when he was away in college. As summer break winded down he was so ready to go back and reclaim his independence. My husband would have been content to let him fly off, but I insisted on physically helping him move. I even convinced his younger brother to come out to help. After the 8 hour drive, and we got him settled in his nice, new dorm room, I posted some photos on social media about his move. A friend asked if I cried again, just like his freshman year. Confidently, I said no and that crying was so last year because that was exactly how I felt!

View from the common room. Lucky bamboo and succulents for his room.

My college-age son with his younger brother helping him move in his new dorm.

Sunday came, and it was time for us to return home. After having breakfast together and shopping for last minute necessities, we dropped him off in his new dorm. Since we sat next to each other in the back of the car, he reached and gave me a hug before he exited. My husband and our youngest son got out of the car to give him their hugs and goodbyes. I stayed inside. I thought one hug was enough and reminded myself I was a veteran at this scene. I already told someone that crying was so last year! Then he turned and started walking away from the car, waved and yelled, "Love you!" Then BAM, just like that, I felt the squeeze in between my chest. The same pang of familiar pain I felt last year, yet no tears coming out of my eyes, but somehow I felt myself crying inside. I was flooded with memories of a little boy who morphed into that man who just waved to me, and walked away. Just a few seconds ago, he was sitting next to me but suddenly I felt a deep sadness and I wished I had asked for that one more hug. I miss him so terribly.

My son's dorm! After we dropped him off I snapped this photo hoping he would take a peek from his window.

Tags: College Life, Moms, Dorms, Sons